I’ve been participating (somewhat) in Blog Dare 2012. Today’s topic is “Something lost…“. While many things immediately ran through my mind, the one that jumped out was friendship.
When I filed for divorce, I thought my friends would be there and support me in this difficult decision. However, it seemed since I was no longer part of a “married couple”, the other married friends disappeared. Sure was usually did things as couples, but was it really too silly for me to think that they would still socialize with me? Apparently so. Soon the phone calls went un-returned, and the emails stopped. It hurt, it stung, but I knew I could move on.
I decided then to just focus on my friendships with other singles. Through going out to bars and working out at the gym, I soon started to expand my friendship pool. My lost friends were soon forgotten, and my new friends and I quickly formed bonds. There was one guy in particular that I became fast friends with. We hung out often, outside from seeing each other at the gym almost every day. Once my divorce was in motion, he was set to move in and rent the spare bedroom. Then it all came to a stop. He revealed he had gotten his own place, and would not be moving in. Why? Because he said he had feelings for me. Feelings I did not return. I enjoyed our friendship. I still wanted to be friends, just not anything more. I thought “Okay, I don’t have those feelings for you, but I would still like to be friends”. His thoughts were more “If we aren’t move, let’s not be friends at all.” Once again, a close friend was gone *POOF* just like that. Again, it hurt, but I knew I could move on.
It was a short time later that I discovered I was expecting a baby. My pregnancy was a tough road. I had decisions to make, encountered health issues, and tried to keep the most positive attitude I could. Once my beautiful son arrived, I took a look around and realized my life lacked something. I realized I didn’t have any friends who were moms (minus one, who I am still friends with today thankfully). There was a whole new aspect to my life, and it was a pretty big aspect! I needed to find other women to connect with that share that common element of motherhood. I started taking my son to “Blanket Babies” playgroups and connect with local moms online. I started to feel confident in making new “mommy” friends, while still maintaining the friendships I had formed with others years before.
Before to this blog, I had a previous personal blog focused solely on my life. I had discovered a “friend” of mine had said some pretty vile comments about me. Without naming names, I discussed this in my blog and weighed whether to confront her, and just stop communication. To my surprise, I shortly received an email from someone who I thought was a good friend. While she was not the person I had talked about in my entry, she thought it was. Turned out, she too had been gossiping, and I guess a guilty conscience got to her. She noted she had been purposely giving me the cold shoulder, and expressed her feelings to everyone, except me, that she no longer wanted to be friends. Funny thing is, she still never explained exactly why she would not want to maintain a friendship. We had known each other for 10 years, were neighbors, and eventually roommates. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding. She had even just attended a party at my home a few weeks prior to her email. Though at the end of her email she expressed that she hopes we could reach the level friendship we had before, my handful of attempts to communicate with her has been met with silence. Now that one really hurt.
So here I am, a few months later. I’ve made new friends, some are moms, and some are not. Some weekends I’m booked solid socially, and some weekends go by without hearing a peep from anyone. I’ve gotten involved more with local groups and I look forward to forming new solid friendships. Every now and then I think of all the friendships lost over the last year and half. I sometimes I run into those former friends around town, and I can admit, it can be awkward.
Friendships are still relationships, and any time there is a “break up”, it can hurt. These friendships are lost, but I look forward to the new chapter in my life of a mom, and the new friendships I will form in the years to come.